I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize