Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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