Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
