if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
