I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize