I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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