you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
