the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
