So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
