I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just invented taco cereal.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
