Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
