She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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