i wish my penis had a tongue
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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