What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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