and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
