"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
