the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
