onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
