If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
