I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
