Your mouth is God's brothel.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
