And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize