Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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