im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
