I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
