btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
