Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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