I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
