You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
