I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
