Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
