how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
