Have you finally orgasmed yet?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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