this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
