I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
