Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
