you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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