we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just want nice things and good sex
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
