question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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