He had one of those small greek statue penises
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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