I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
