eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
