Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
