There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
