i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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