He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
