the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
