he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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