what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Randomize