u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
