um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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