You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I looked at my own cervix.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize