I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just gargled with NyQuil
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
