The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
