i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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