Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
