Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
