In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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