I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize