I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
