turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
