Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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