everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
