forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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