i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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