the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
