Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
