yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
