Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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