I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
