who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Randomize
