you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
