Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
