Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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